Jack, Why "It Gets Better"

I have this friend, we'll call him Jack. Jack is everything most guys want to be: smart, good looking, athletic, good at almost anything he tries, a ladies man, a man's man. This guy can make you smile without even trying. The funny thing is, when I first met him I didn't like him at all.
We were at a party in college, probably one of my first big college parties. I was watching a game of beer pong and he was on a team with a good friend of mine-Robby. To understand what I'm about to tell you, you have to know that neither Robby nor Jack like wearing clothing all that much. If given the option and cooperative weather, Robby'd wear nothing but board shorts year round and Jack would wear nothing at all regardless of weather. During this game of beer pong, Robby and Jack started to lose to the two girls they were playing against. They couldn't let that happen. Immediately Robby decided his shirt had to come off in order to win. It did. Jack seized the opportunity and threw his to the floor as well.

Jack is a person without a filter, he loved any and all attention, would use any pejorative term available and his attitude was pretty cocky. Basically he was everything I didn't like. As the game progressed, the team was close to winning but not by a big enough margin. Jack decided it was my fault. Without even really being introduced, he turned to me and said, "You're not shirtless. For us to beat these bitches, you've got to be shirtless. It's the only way. Guys versus girls. Show your support!"

At first I thought this was funny, this guy I had just casually met was yelling at me to take off my shirt. I'm not exactly the type to just strip because I'm told and I wasn't anywhere near drunk enough to start removing clothing. Then the chant for me to take it off began. "Woah," I thought, "this is a little too far." I laughed it off and left the room. That was how I met Jack.

Gradually through his crude humor and ridiculous antics, he won me over. He would literally do anything to make people laugh. You could meet him once and have a story that stuck with you forever. He lit up a room with dirty jokes and nudity. Even the most conservative person would grow to like his jokes. In the years I've known him, a person that didn't like him at some point in time is rare. There's just one thing I didn't know about Jack, he was hiding something.

I got a phone call from an unknown number late one night. I assumed it was a wrong number and didn't answer. It rang again. This time, I picked up. Robby was on the other end, crying. I wondered what shenanigans they'd gotten into this time and how wasted he must be. "I need you," he said. That was enough. I jumped in my car and sped to his house. When I drove up there were police cars outside. "Holy shit, cops. Who got arrested and what the hell happened," I wondered. I got out of my car expecting to bail someone out of jail. If only it'd been that easy.

I walked up to Robby and his girlfriend in silence. I looked at him inquiringly. "Jack killed himself." My heart sank. This had to be a cruel joke. "What," I whispered and repeated this into the night several times as if it would give me an answer. Hoping to see Jack smiling and end this nightmare, I looked to the house. Nothing but police camera flashes from inside. My stomach churned as I heard the lament of a mutual friend sitting on the curb. I hadn't noticed him until now but his face told me I wasn't going to wake up from this. Every emotion ripped through my body like a hurricane. I'd just seen him that afternoon, laughed with him, touched him.

Hours later, we all got together to avoid being alone. No one knew the sadness he was hiding. He was the happiest person any of us knew. We all told stories about him and laughed through our tears. He left an void that can't be filled in all of the lives he touched. Still no one really knows why it happened other than a bad romantic situation coupled with alcohol.

Although the darkness inside my closet can be overwhelming at times, I know there's light shining through, if not from the other side of the door then through the walls or ceiling. I've been on the side of those left behind. It hurts more than I can ever explain. Please don't ever let yourself think that you don't matter enough to stick around and that it won't get better-you do and it will.

We might not share one big closet but in a way we're all neighbors, just a thin wall away. So, from my closet door to yours, chin up. It gets better.