Tomorrow marks one year since I started this journey in writing. I've been documenting my thoughts, experiences, successes and failures (albeit sporadically) on here for a year now. In some ways it feels like yesterday that I watched a YouTube channel and needed a change; in others it feels like it was a long time ago.
So much has changed inside me but those in my real life wouldn't have a clue. They see a change in my attitude and my personality but they couldn't know the real catalyst for it. Sometimes I feel like I've deceived them all to find myself and it feels selfish. Then I think that if I hadn't done this, I might be lost. It's a fair enough trade, I think.
Last year, I wrote my first post admitting who I really am and posted it with hope. I had hope that my life could change, that I wouldn't have to hide who I am anymore, that all the time I'd spent hiding would be worth it in some big way. My face pressed hard to the floor of my closet, I strained my eyes to peek through the crack and get a glimpse of what life might be like on the other side of the door. My life changed before my eyes even though I barely turned the handle.
I found a place where I could open the door, walk and talk openly then slip back inside with my secret safe. I got a virtual glimpse of my life beyond the door. Even if it wasn't flesh or tangible, it was real enough. Some people made me smile and my heart broke for a few. Some people made my heart race and wonder what my life might be like if I could just open the door. Some people could fit into my life perfectly and others' support comforted me. I even found a hint of intolerance even within the GLBTQ community. I talked on the phone, over text, on Skype and even met someone in person. No, I didn't always smell it, touch it or taste it, but it was real.
Over this year, I met incredible people, built myself up and really found who I am. I learned that this process isn't the same for every GLBTQ person. Not everyone is going to agree with the way you live your life whether you're in the closet or not. We all come from different backgrounds and have different roads to travel on. What is right for one could be completely wrong for another.
I've come so far and there's still a long way to go. I don't know where I'd be today without you and your support. Here's to another year of blogging! I hope to be more consistent with this blog moving forward. As always, I'm available to you on Twitter anytime. I love to hear your thoughts and comments and I always enjoy a good conversation.
From my door to yours, it's not about where you're going, it's about how you get there.
