Conditions

Every agreement you have comes with conditions. Employment. Purchases. Contracts. The other day I was wondering if that holds true for relationships. This was brought to my attention by a friend of mine on Twitter. I guess he's a friend. I can't really say that I know anymore.

For me, my relationships come without conditions. When I am dating someone and really fall for them, I love them unconditionally. I might not always agree with their thoughts, opinions or actions but I will love them regardless. This doesn't mean you let someone walk all over you by any means, it simply indicates that you have a love free of obligations. It is a place where you are free to be who you are without fear of judgement and repercussions. You are safe.

My friendships are similar. I am a very loyal friend and work very hard on my friendships. I pride myself on giving my friendship without a quid pro quo mentality. I don't want anyone to feel that being my friend comes with terms they have to meet and if they aren't met, our friendship could be void at any minute. I have found, however, that my friendships with you all have their limitations.

I realize that given my situation, I can't always provide the kind of friendship someone needs. That's frustrating to say the least. I'm always the good friend. I work hard to be and always have. I try to build relationships without conditions and here I am with limitations on how close people can get to me. I mean, I'm not the most open person anyway but I can usually at the very least share my name, face and a little of my history with people. It's incredibly difficult to be in this position. I can't just give away my name, personal information, pictures of my face and let everyone know who I am. It's not so much a trust issue as it is a liability for me. Doing that sort of thing would be reckless.

There isn't a way to explain a friendship with a guy in another city, state or country that you had no way of otherwise meeting without the truth. The truth about myself isn't really an option for sharing, let alone all of these friendships I've made on the Internet.

I guess my point in all of this is to say that I understand that meeting this way, being my friend with the information you have and sticking with me isn't easy. My friendship here is complicated, difficult, frustrating and can be lacking at times. I wish I could say it will change but that's not something I can promise. I can't force people to accept the limitations my friendship comes with.

I just want to thank those of you who choose to continue our friendship on a daily basis. I hope that my friendship has been and continues to be beneficial and worthwhile to you. I know your friendships have meant the world to me. To those who are just getting to know me, I hope you stick with me. I can be a very good friend if you let me. Just know that I understand if you don't.

"I'm hard to love, hard to love. I don't make it easy... I don't deserve it but I love that you love me."

From my door to yours, friendship isn't always easy but most of the time it's worth the hardships.